The core inspiration and theme for this project revolves around interpreting and conveying aspects, perspectives and feelings that surround the lived experience of being neurodiverse (ND), that being an individual whose neurological biochemistry and cognitive processes deviate from the ‘typical’ range (hence the term neurotypical or NT). Whilst neurodiversity as a concept began with and was advocated by the autistic community, the term can encompass a multitude of conditions most commonly including
· Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
· Asperger’s Syndrome
· ADD & ADHD
· Dyslexia & Dyscalculia
· Dyspraxia
· Tourette’s Syndrome
The term neurodiversity does not only cover the physiological nature of these conditions but also the social and political aspects of these conditions. The term was only conceived as recently as 1998 by sociologist Judy Singer and as such is still seen as being somewhat in its infancy but has been gaining traction nonetheless, in particular, the term is very popular with people within the neurodiverse community as it challenges the predominant notion that people who live with these conditions are pathologically disabled and as such are treated by society as having something ‘wrong’ with them rather than just having a different methodology to the lived experience than that of neurotypical people. The term is also seen as an expansion of the social model of disability that highlights and challenges systemic barriers, derogatory attitudes and social exclusion that many argue are what actually forms the basis of disability rather than the symptoms that may present with various conditions.
This is not to say that people with disabilities and conditions that would fall under the banner of neurodiversity don’t struggle with or face harm from symptoms of their conditions that require a more pathological approach, for example self-harming behaviours that can accompany Tourette’s syndrome or the abnormally high correlation of gastrointestinal problems that autistic people can face. This is where the current discourse on the neurodiversity movement lies, in a combined approach that treats things that can be treated in a pathological manner whilst working and campaigning to change the societal barriers and attitudes that hinder and obstruct the neurodiverse community in their day to day lives.
For this project, the lived experience and feelings associated with neurodiversity that I’m aiming to express and communicate are that of my own, being diagnosed at a young age with Asperger’s syndrome, a form of autism. This obviously has had a significant impact on my life ranging from difficulties surrounding social situations like friendships, dating, and conversation through to difficult feelings or mental health developments such as anxiety, depression and isolation. Below I will begin to document and list some of the feelings and associated experiences that I have felt throughout my time navigating the world with a neurodiverse outlook and some of the challenges that can accompany that.
· Loneliness and Isolation
o Due to difficulties surrounding interpersonal relationships and socialising, it is not uncommon for me to feel very isolated and removed from the world
o Being very much an introvert too has its own impact on this aspect though this was not always the case, when I was much younger I was far more outgoing and extroverted but as time has gone by and the differences between myself and others have become more apparent to myself and the struggles with social aspects of life also became more apparent and led me to become far more withdrawn.
· Missed social cues
o A big factor in the aforementioned difficulties surrounding social interaction lies within the extreme uncertainty in regard to social cues, the unwritten, untold, and unspecified rules and regulations that govern socialising, to neurotypical individuals this language is natural and part of their existing social ability, for neurodiverse individuals, in particular autistic individuals, this is not the case, in fact these social cues are most of the time unreadable and can have a severe impact on our ability to correctly gauge many social situations, in turn, this makes social interactions incredibly intense and very draining.
· Anxiety, Social and Generalised
o Anxiety has always been present in my life, when I was younger I would often struggle to sleep owing to a strange feeling, a nausea/general unease along with a rising tension. I would feel increasingly distressed not knowing what was causing so much discomfort and wouldn’t discover that these symptoms fell in line with Anxiety many years later.
· Overthinking and overcomplicating
o Continuing on from the difficulty surrounding social interaction, the concentration surrounding gauging social interactions often leads to an intense internal thought process to determine the correct situation and possible social cues on display and how best to respond to them, not only is this at play during social interactions but more so before and after them as well where social anxiety and self-doubt can easily lead you to endlessly think and overthink every minute detail of an interaction and come to conclusions or outcomes that more than likely weren’t there at all.
· Background doubt
o A combination of the anxiety in both its forms, and the aforementioned overthinking and over-complication issues leads to a state in which there is always a residual trace of doubt in the majority of decision making and social situations.
o The accumulative impact of this doubt long term feeds back into the anxiety and overthinking creating a cyclic pattern that promotes abstinence, procrastination and stress when presented with the need to make decisions or dissect social situations.
· Feelings of standing out & abnormality
o Despite physical differences being less common/less obvious in people with Asperger’s, a form of autism, there are still many stereotypes surrounding all autistic individuals and the way in which they carry themselves, these can include, a specific walking style, being very rigid, tense facial expressions, and various ‘stimming’ behaviours to name a few. Whilst these things can be present in some autistic individuals in varying levels from non-existent to severe.
o Despite not presenting these behaviours (at least not in public, in private I do ‘stim’) it’s something that is constantly in the back of my mind that others may perceive me differently from how I perceive myself, thinking they might think I’m odd or weird and that I carry myself in a strange manner even though I likely do not, it’s almost akin to when you notice your own breathing it no longer becomes automatic, when you know these stereotypes exist and even more so when you know and have seen individuals presenting these behaviours you begin to become very self-aware and questioning how you present.
· Masking
o One of the ways that Autistic people learn to cope with many of the things mentioned above and in order to somewhat blend in with neurotypical society is learning to ‘Mask’, this is a term used to describe how many autistic people observe and mimic the ways in which NT people present themselves and the various social expectations, traditions, and procedures that we can observe. This is a skill that takes many years to develop and isn’t without its drawbacks, in fact, the necessity to mask to avoid discriminatory, ostracising, and even harmful (in extreme cases lethal) reactions from NT people and society when autistic people don’t mask can become so developed that many autistic people end up feeling alienated and dissociated from themselves and start to question themselves in very existential manner, this becomes very draining and puts many autistic people at a much greater risk of developing depressive mental health problems as they get older and have to mask more and more.
· Fears surrounding missing out defining experiences
o A fear shared by many young people on both sides of the neurological divide, but one that is further exacerbated by neurodiversity. ‘FOMO’ as its often referred to colloquially or ‘the fear of missing out’ is exactly what it says on the tin, the fear that you are missing out on experiences that many others partake in often with a sense that there are windows in time within which one can or should be partaking in them as they age, this is something that is very much a part of being neurodiverse in my eyes given the social stunting and lack of opportunity that comes with being ND often leads to many autistic individuals living somewhat sheltered and withdrawn lives outside of the social sphere of their contemporaries.
· Focus on detail
o A common attribute of Asperger’s is a greater ability to recognise and observe and work with details, patterns, and processes whilst this certainly has many advantages and is often recognised as one of the many benefits of the autistic mind, in particular for me these skills come into their best in my creative work in photography, printmaking and sound design they also come into benefits in ways outside of that sphere, a tendency to be able to work very logically and with consideration of many parts involved in a process or situation is very transferable to many skills and facets of life. It is often one of the common aspects of neurodiversity that gets attributed with the term ‘savant’ a very much derogatory term in my books as it implies these are abnormal gifts and further the implication an individual can become seen as merely an extension of their ability rather than a complex and unique person in their own right, often autistic people who don’t display any such ‘gifts’ are not held in the same regard or spotlight as those that do.
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